With The Drugs, With The Drugs, With The Drugs

_____,

Everything that can be said has already been said. But a part of me still aches when reminded of you. I feel like I should be the first to get over us. I felt like I always had to be the strong one, and this isn't an exception. Its just hard when people I meet, places I go... they all remind me a bit of you.

Sometimes I feel like there's all this stuff that I can't say. I can't tell you how I'm really feeling because I need to feel like I'm the strong one. The one that's dealing with it the best, even though you tore my heart to bits. The one that's not lonely, not sad, not craving human affection, not wishing you were still around to play games and have fun and cuddle with me.

I guess I'm still angry. But the anger isn't what it used to be. I completely understand why you did all of the things you did to me, and forgive you for doing them. But I'm still mad that you got to the stage when you felt like you had to do those things at all.

I wish I could pin point the exact moment that everything started going downhill. Then maybe I could rewind and get everything right. Maybe, if I could rewind, I'd go right back to before you even happened to me. And take a different path.

I will always know, and love you, and I hope you remember that.
Love, Ellie