Men

It was coming, you all knew it. A post about men. And about how it would be so much easier to just hate them.

This post would go through the various reasons why I should hate men; the low self esteem, the cluelessness of their actions, the animalistic want that could just... go away.

So, lets just not bother about the whiney post, and just leave it at this:
I really fuckin love men. But I don't like the fact that I love them.

How do you keep going when everything around you is falling apart? How can you keep functioning, knowing everyone else in your life is fucked?

Its getting pretty cold at night.
I can't bring myself to close my windows.
It was that I couldn't be bothered to begin with, but its turned into a battle of wills.
Somehow I figure if I close them, I loose.

With The Drugs, With The Drugs, With The Drugs

_____,

Everything that can be said has already been said. But a part of me still aches when reminded of you. I feel like I should be the first to get over us. I felt like I always had to be the strong one, and this isn't an exception. Its just hard when people I meet, places I go... they all remind me a bit of you.

Sometimes I feel like there's all this stuff that I can't say. I can't tell you how I'm really feeling because I need to feel like I'm the strong one. The one that's dealing with it the best, even though you tore my heart to bits. The one that's not lonely, not sad, not craving human affection, not wishing you were still around to play games and have fun and cuddle with me.

I guess I'm still angry. But the anger isn't what it used to be. I completely understand why you did all of the things you did to me, and forgive you for doing them. But I'm still mad that you got to the stage when you felt like you had to do those things at all.

I wish I could pin point the exact moment that everything started going downhill. Then maybe I could rewind and get everything right. Maybe, if I could rewind, I'd go right back to before you even happened to me. And take a different path.

I will always know, and love you, and I hope you remember that.
Love, Ellie

Aversion

I have this thing.


I really don't like learning all that much, and I've figured out why.






It's 'cause I'm scared I'll forget all the things I've already learnt.


Replace knitting with microbiology.
Replace baking with history of nursing.
Replace sewing with Biology.
Replace drawing with psychology.



I know its stupid, but I can't shake that feeling.
I love things once I know them, bit its just the learning process that makes me think all the other stuff I knew will dissappear if I put more in.



Its wack.

What're you doing?

I'm going to bed, what does it look like?
Do you think that's such a good idea?
Well, no not really. I do have that huge mother fucker of an assignment due tomorrow that I haven't finished.
So why are you going to bed?
'Cause I'll probably be able to finish it off tomorrow. No big deal. And plus, I'm fucking tired, ok?
What, after only writing 200 our of the 1200 words required? I don't think so.
Oh fuck off. Its due at like, 4:30pm. That's plenty of time to get it all done. And I've already written up three full refrences out of the minimum 5 required.
Hum, well I suppose it is your funeral fucktard.
Well fuck you too.
/OFFLINE/

The Broken Family Band- Its All Over

I could hold your beautiful hands
And kiss your beautiful eyelids
Throw open your beautiful doors
And phone your beautiful friends
But it’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over

I could bind your beautiful wrists
And shut your beautiful eyes
(With the drugs, with the drugs, with the drugs)
And kick your beautiful doors in
I’ll shame on your beautiful friends
Cause it’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over
It’s all over